Cell Phones

The other morning I woke up and decided to get more information about the levels and types of cell phone radiation. This is the first time that I've "Googled" anything or done any mild research. I've only just begun learning about the debate.

The cell phone radiation question popped into my mind because I've been wondering about risk factors regarding brain tumors, specifically my type of brain tumor. The doctors only told me that my DNA caused the tumor cells. Essentially I thought that my body was attacking itself and that was the end of the story. But since I've started reading different dissertations, and research studies, I'm starting to look at a different, more complex picture.

I finally caved in and purchased my first cell phone in 2000. I have been on a cell phone ever since. Between my years in Texas, and Wenatchee I've spent a majority of my days or nights on multi-hour calls visiting with friends. Since high school and college my friends have lived all over the country and all over the world. My cell phone was my lifeline. I find it suspect that my tennis ball sized brain tumor was located exactly where the cell phone antenna touches my head, in exactly the side of my head that I used my cell phone.

I know that there is a lot of debate on this issue, but the truth is that cell phone technology is extremely new. There haven't been enough long term studies to rule out the danger of cell phone radiation. I also know that two individuals that smoke a pack of cigarettes a day over the period of 30 years will have different outcomes. One may die of lung cancer, and the other may be just fine. Our bodies are amazing, and unpredictable, but there's a chance that the radiation in cell phones may have effected my brain tissue adversely whereas someone else may have been fine.

There are a lot of issues regarding cell phone use. I'm too exhausted to continue this post which has been in the works for four days. If you get the chance, or if you're curious please research cell phone radiation, and long term cell phone usage, but don't stop at the basic websites, dig deeper. Most studies are funded by major cell phone carriers.

No Jogging Yet

I'm so frustrated. I'm exhausted. I sleep 13 to 15 hours a night. My thoughts don't come as easily, and I feel like I used to be able to think more deeply. These days all my head hears is frustration and complaints. I don't want to irritate my family and friends so I don't want to complain too much. I only share about 20 percent of my negative thoughts. I'm trying to force through things but it's hard. If I hear someone say, "Ugh, my hair looks awful!" I think, "Shut up, you idiot." I realize it's a pretty bitchy thing, but I just don't want to hear it. At least they have hair. I think the same thing about my hair, but I feel like I've got reason to hate my hair, or lack thereof. I realize I'm pretty self absorbed at the moment.

At least I've worked out three days in a row, it helps me keep a better mindset. Heaven help me if I wasn't working out. Today Danny and I did the treadmill and I walked quickly while Danny jogged. Of course, in my mind I was saying, "Jerk." I want to run so badly that I turned up my treadmill just to try it and in three steps I thought my head would explode. Danny gave me a look and shook his head and I went back to walking. No jogging yet.

I'm stuck between wanting to get back to my regular life, back to debating, and dinner parties, or wine dates with the girls but I don't feel back. I'm still hovering between my constant headaches, pressure in my skull, intermittent confusion, irritability at multiple distractions, all the while these issues in my mind are silent. Most people don't see these issues. They don't know what I'm thinking, or dealing with. I thought the beginning would be the hardest part of recovery. Now, I feel like I'm battling in silence. And I want so badly to get back to normal.