I am about to completely throw up on myself. Apparently, during my shower The water hit my scab and it started peeling back. This has to be a joke, this scab, blood, fluids, all of this is my worst nightmare. I abhor gooey things (non-edible of course). I've just spent a good 45 minutes trying to cut back the lifted area (there goes my allotment of writing time), but it's impossible to do without scissors, nail clippers, and hydrogen peroxide which I do not have at the moment. I can't wait until this scab is gone. Luckily it's really looking like sooner than later. Gross.
Soon I won't have the tickle of tightness that comes with the scab. Just turning to look at my head in the mirror, I still can't believe that they chopped open my head a few times. This might take a while to really sink in.
Jun 18, 2010
Jun 17, 2010
Removing The Unknown
I'm still bald-ish with the gnarly scar carved across my head. The scab is slowly disappearing, and things are definitely looking up.
Ever since this debacle started, specifically when I shaved my head, I was faced with the option to leave my head exposed or to cover my head with a scarf, hat or the possibility of a wig. When I'm home, or with close friends I leave my head exposed, but for the longest time while I was in public I left my head covered.
I was covering my head, not for myself, but for those around me. I was trying to avoid the stares and the uncomfortable reality about my situation. I also didn't want small children to run in fear (although the only child that's actually seen my head was more concerned about my "owie" and wasn't afraid in the least).
I've noticed that people stare while I'm wearing hats or other covers. They can already tell that I don't have much hair, and eyes just naturally gravitate toward my head. They don't mean to stare, they're just curious. They probably don't even mean to keep staring. It has to be confusing that I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes, so they know that I'm not going through chemo, yet I don't have much hair and there's definitely something going on.
As I've been grappling with this head situation I've been increasingly comfortable exposing my head, and I'm starting to walk around in public without hats, or scarfs. Without a cover on my head, people know that what they see is what they get. They can see that I've had some sort of traumatic surgery on my head and then they move on. In my own (very unscientific) study I believe people are more comfortable with the truth than the unknown. They want to know what's going on under my hat, and by removing the secret I am effectively taking away the unknown.
Ever since this debacle started, specifically when I shaved my head, I was faced with the option to leave my head exposed or to cover my head with a scarf, hat or the possibility of a wig. When I'm home, or with close friends I leave my head exposed, but for the longest time while I was in public I left my head covered.
I was covering my head, not for myself, but for those around me. I was trying to avoid the stares and the uncomfortable reality about my situation. I also didn't want small children to run in fear (although the only child that's actually seen my head was more concerned about my "owie" and wasn't afraid in the least).
I've noticed that people stare while I'm wearing hats or other covers. They can already tell that I don't have much hair, and eyes just naturally gravitate toward my head. They don't mean to stare, they're just curious. They probably don't even mean to keep staring. It has to be confusing that I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes, so they know that I'm not going through chemo, yet I don't have much hair and there's definitely something going on.
As I've been grappling with this head situation I've been increasingly comfortable exposing my head, and I'm starting to walk around in public without hats, or scarfs. Without a cover on my head, people know that what they see is what they get. They can see that I've had some sort of traumatic surgery on my head and then they move on. In my own (very unscientific) study I believe people are more comfortable with the truth than the unknown. They want to know what's going on under my hat, and by removing the secret I am effectively taking away the unknown.
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