Final Note Before Surgery

I check into UCLA's Ronald Regan hospital at 4:45 am. I am the first brain surgery of the day for Dr Linda Liau. I keep calling it my brain tumor nap :) I'm so grateful that I get to sleep through it. I am nervous, still apprehensive about things, which I believe is completely normal. They are going to shave off a running strip across my head from front to back. It should be about three inches wide (imagine a reverse Mohawk). I have really enjoyed my hair, and I am too attached to shave it this time. Instead, since Dr Liau said that I wouldn't have to shave it all, I decided I will try to work around it. My girl friend Meghan cut her hair today (it's her 30th birthday) and is gifting it to me so that a gentleman in Bellevue can create a wig for me (he can do a full wig or a partial). Seriously, you heard me right, Meghan cut her hair, 10 inches to create a wig for me on HER birthday. Wow. That's Meghan for you, always doing things for other people. THANK YOU MEGHAN!!!!!! More details about that amazing situation to come. Also, my childhood buddy Marina came over for breakfast this morning and she started cluing me in on all the amazing things that fake hair can do. Originally, I was just going to use the hair on the sides and back of my head and put it into a ponytail and wear baseball caps for the next several months. Now, it looks like I will have lots of options :) That makes me really happy!

Anyway, I'm absolutely exhausted. Dan arrived last night, and my brother arrived this afternoon. While my parents were driving to get Kaal, Dan and I went to the beach and swam. There has been an incredible heatwave. The temps are in the 90's - scorching. While we were at the beach we were able to watch the dolphins play in the waves. They were having so much fun! They're so playful and sweet, it was amazing. We watched for about a half hour, then decided to join them. I was hoping to inch my way closer and closer but I think I scared them away. They did a final swim through the wave, you could see them as the wave grew and they were gliding with it, when the wave broke they jumped into the air to avoid the froth. It was mesmerizing.

For this surgery they made me remove my toenail polish. Weird.

I'm rambling because I'm so tired. I haven't packed quite yet (we will be moving locations while I'm in the hospital) and I need to wash and blow dry my hair. My plan is to straighten my hair and then pin it back on either side of the current scar exposing it as clearly as possible. Hopefully, once they see how wide my current scar is, they will decide that they don't need to shave much :) You never know.

As for tomorrow, Dan said he will keep the blog updated. I truly hope that everything goes well. Most of all I hope that I don't die. I don't know what is in store for me, what my purpose is on this Earth, but I'm truly excited to find out. I'm hoping that this isn't the end of my story. I hope that I can continue to learn, evolve, fight to get healthy, hug friends, jog in the misty Seattle air, cuddle my kitty, and maybe, hopefully, someday, share my love with Dan by having children. There are so many things that I'm hopeful for. I am very aware that my life is a gift, that each moment is all that I have until the next. All I can do is hope for more, more time, more opportunity to love, more time to laugh and hug and smile and breathe and appreciate the things in this world.

Thank you for the love, for the support, and for the prayers. It would be impossible for me to be faring this well without all of you - Dan, my family, my friends, the blog readers, the friends of friends, the people who stumbled upon the blog. Thank you. I have so much gratitude and love to all of you. I hope to be writing again soon, but until then, even though I don't even know who all of you are, thank you.

All of my love,
Jess