Every few weeks I get nervous about the tumor. I try not to let it dominate my life, but sometimes that's easier said than done. I try not to stress too much about my heath, and the future, but then I find that I'm stressing even more by telling myself NOT to stress. It's a vicious, counter productive cycle.
I thought I'd be further along in my recovery from the surgeries. Again, I'm having to tell myself to slow down, rest more, and take joy in the little things. I can get caught up in the future, borrowing trouble.
I saw a woman at the gym today who I believe is undergoing chemo. She was completely bald, no eye lashes or eye brows. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, knowing that she probably has no idea that I've gone through some tough medical stuff too. I thought to myself how lucky I am. I'm healthy, I have my hair, I can exercise, I'm reading more and more, I'm really lucky to have successfully passed my past two MRI's. I have everything in the world to be grateful for, and I'm just going to keep focusing on that!
Each time I start to worry I'm going to think about something that I'm grateful for. Just now, I tried this little trick again, and my blood pressure dropped. My body relaxed and I inadvertently let out a deep sigh. Just like Jessica Abu Dhabi mentioned the other day, "Surrender to things." I need to relinquish control, and just be grateful. I don't think it'll be too hard to do. Just like thinking positive, you just have to keep on it. :)
