The other day, I was having a conversation with someone about my tumor and recovery. She asked how I was doing, and I came up with a pretty good analogy (not to toot my own horn or anything).
It's like when you're sick. You can't get out of bed, and your throat hurts so badly that you can't swallow. The pain in your body is unbelievable. Then, one morning, you feel less badly, and then, after another nap things start looking bright. All of a sudden, you're so excited to get out of bed and start moving that you don't even notice that your throat still hurts and you still have a low grade temperature. You're just so grateful to be out and about, able to do the things that you love to do.
The memory of everything (the surgery & recovery) is finally taking on a different roll in my life. I'm transitioning away from fear and working toward acceptance. I think that everything has happened so quickly, and it feels like emotions have come in stages, just like my physical recovery. Now, I'm moving forward, and working toward eliminating (as much as possible) my fears. I've had a few step backs, where I've come into new information about the tumor and it has petrified me, but I like the fact that I've been able to bounce back.
My life is completely different than I would ever have expected, and yet, I still wouldn't change a thing (other than the pain this has caused Danny, family, and friends). It goes back to the statistics, people are going to get brain tumors, and I'd rather it be me than anyone I know. I realize it sounds crazy, but I have the perfect support group, and I'm aware that not everyone has such a wonderful safety net. Knowing that, I have to figure out a way to turn this tumor into a gift, giving it purpose. I'm incredibly grateful that I'm able to share this experience "out loud" in this blog. With that, I refuse to let this blog be my only contribution to the tumor world. I also refuse to live in fear (even though I might still get fearful at times). Now it's time to buck it up and start brainstorming!
