Oh guys, Dan's at the gym, and I'm panicking. Seriously panicking. A hundred thousand dollars for the shots?!? What am I doing? That's the shots alone. We've seen the monster of Hermie fighting against my best efforts to stop him. This is so much money, and it's not for a child or a college fund or even a house. This is to hopefully save my life. You get to the point where you would do anything to save your life, but it's still terrifying. I still can't believe I'm in this position - probably because I never look in the mirror (total denial), and because I'm home 95% of the time.
I have to do this though. I can't just sit here and wait for brain tumor growth.
This whole thing makes me nauseous. I don't even want to pay to fix my hair with extensions or some sort of hair thing to make me look pretty because I don't want to waste the money, or feel vain when I'm dealing with so much big stuff. Yet I want it. I want to feel gorgeous with a full head of hair, to feel sexy, and young, and invincible. To be able to blend, and laugh, and not have to wear a hat or worry about my scar showing through. I'm going on a tangent...sorry about that. Just ignore me. I'm going to find Bingie and cuddle for a bit. Good night.
