I'm not sleeping well, and it's causing my wires to cross and fizzle. I'm trying to focus on the moment, but I keep worrying about the future. I've always been this way, borrowing trouble. I'm a planner by nature, and now I need to adjust my whole life. I had certain goals and expectations, and unfortunately I need to adjust them.
Prior to this diagnosis I was looking into attaining another degree. I've always enjoyed studying, learning, and challenging myself. Now, I'm just trying to read and comprehend. My goals are smaller, and although I'm really grateful to see improvement, I'm still scared about what this means for the future. Even if I could master my reading comprehension, I don't think I could justify taking on more college loans when I know I am a medical liability. In life, my calendar will be dictated by my MRIs and doctor's appointments and I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to school again. It doesn't look like further education is the best option.
With that, I'm worried about my potential. I don't know if I'm going to be much of an earner - which unfortunately, is exactly what I need to be. I'm in a position where I can never be without medical insurance, and already my premiums are through the roof. I can manage things, but again, I'm having to adjust my expectations.
I keep trying to think of my strengths so that I can capitalize on them, but maybe it's still too soon for me to be this serious. I'm not the best at objectively analyzing. I know I should calm down and focus on the daily goals, but it's hard to have "real life" looming over me. I want to think that things will just work out, and I'm sure to a certain extent that is true, but I also have always felt that in order to reach your goals you have to start with a plan.
